I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
