I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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