Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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