Your face is a jimmy john
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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