I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
