puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
