I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
