party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
