So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
