either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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