Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
