whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
