why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
