You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish life had little blips of pornography
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
