it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
