My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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