She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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