i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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