At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
