I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
