Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
