I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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