I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
