hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
