eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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