So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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