I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
