Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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