i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
