I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
