I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
