How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
