in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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