I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
there is glitter all over my balls
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
