help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
