When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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