I love black thongs
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
