All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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