Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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