Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
