go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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