Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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