Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
