I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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