Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
