he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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