I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
