so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
