My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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