Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
