Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
