Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
