your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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